I just found out last night that I would not be leading a worship workshop at Collège-Daniel this trimester. Why? Well, according to the director, only 1 student signed up. I had not planned on worship “1-on-1’s” but a “workshop” where by the students (and I) would explore what it means, both theologically and practically, to “worship God”.
Now, this was a challenge for me…that’s for sure. I know that God has put some “teacher” “motivational gifts” into me. (brief motivational gift overview) Just having that as a motivational gift doesn’t mean however, that I’m experienced or feel qualified to teach…more that I value good teaching and see it as a foundation for God to use to build His Kingdom. Of course, there were the challenges of preparation, sequence of material/subjects (that which I’d picked up about worship over many years – now regurgitating it in an orderly, cogent sequence to junior high kids), doing it all in French, and connecting/not being afraid of a group of junior high kids!
So, that challenge has been removed from standing immediately in front of me…whew! That’s a relief!
But…why was I in the position to do this workshop in the first place? Well, I volunteered to do it! In fact, I felt that God wanted me to do it. Aye, there’s the rub!
Now I have some mixed emotions and confused thoughts. I still believe that there was some sort of impulse from God to do this, and I still believe that God wants me to be involved in the work of raising up worship and worshipers in Alsace and to specifically sow into the next generation. (I also saw this as a way to begin to “give out” more or “do” more, etc. It’s always a pressure we feel and it certainly affects me.) Did I simply miss God completely, or in some other aspect; e.g. timing, etc.?
There are other ways to accomplish those Kingdom purposes and certainly many ways for me to put my hand to the plow here and now. Of course, these require me to hear God more clearly…which could also be one of those key lessons for me to learn at the moment! ;c)
Well…off to listen for His still small voice!